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Money can’t buy love. But many of these will get you matchmaker Barbie Adler.
Adler, the founder of the elite matchmaking company Selective Search, boasts that 1 in 3 of his clients fall for the first person they match with.
“It’s easy,” Adler said.
That number is unthinkable for most people on dating apps, where it’s known to be a numbers game, and yet, years can go by with no luck.
People typically pay between $75,000 and $500,000 for Adler’s services (and in some cases, more), according to business records reviewed by CNBC. Her team of matchmakers conducts in-person interviews with clients, probing their childhoods, desires, rejections and romantic histories. Adler identified 225 key indicators, including family values, politics and religion, to determine lasting compatibility.
“When people come to see us, they haven’t really learned how to date,” she said. “Their picker just broke.”
Courtesy: Barbie Adler
He said his service is “not for the masses,” but for the rich, it’s worth it.
“There is nothing bigger or more important than who you spend the rest of your life with,” he explained.
What about everyone out there trying to find love? Adler shares her best dating advice.
Take time to meditate
Before people start dating seriously, they should take time to reflect on themselves and what they want, Adler says, “Shut up your world, and come up with a game plan.”
To begin, he suggests asking yourself these two questions:
- Am I the partner I want for someone else?
- What do I need to do to make myself attract the kind of person I’m looking for?
You may conclude that you need to exercise and eat healthier, or address a long-standing anger issue, Adler says. Others will realize that they need to be more generous in relationships. Think about the problems that past partners, or those you’ve dated, have told you about. “Listen and don’t get defensive,” Adler said.
“Be humble and ask how you can become a better version of yourself,” he added. “A person who works for themselves is very attractive.”
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Once you’ve made an inventory of yourself, you should think carefully about what kind of partner you’re looking for, Adler said: “Make a list of what you need. Get clarification about physical characteristics. , value systems, lifestyles and family planning.”
As part of this reflection, it can be useful to think about why past relationships didn’t work out, says Adler. There may be a pattern you need to break.
“We prevent our clients from repeating the same patterns,” Adler said. “People say, ‘I don’t want the same wounded bird anymore. I want a companion now.'”
Adler’s matchmakers spend a lot of time helping clients identify their deal breakers and their must-have qualities in a partner. As hard as it is, you don’t want to compromise on these things, says Adler.
“You have to make sure you want the same things in life,” he said. “If someone wants to spend their time in the arts, and someone else wants to spend their time on the slopes – those are two different lifestyles.”
It’s most important not to compromise on the big topics, Adler said.
“If you want to have kids, why waste your time with someone who ‘maybe’ have kids? Or think you can change their mind?” he said.
“Settlement is the easiest way to have a divorce attorney on your phone,” he added. “I think you should keep your standards.”